Relax… You’re driving yourself crazy.

Everytime I start a blog I tell myself “This is it, this is the one you will actually update on a regular basis”. I think the reason I fail all the time at keeping a regular blog is because there are so many other things like Twitter, Facebook etc. that let people in on your daily life… and thus give you no reason to update a blog.  However, it has come to my attention that lately my twitter has just become a means of promotion.  I can’t help it. I am going crazy trying to make things happen lately and unfortunately, I can’t do it on my own.  I guess that is the reason why I am officially going to start using this blog to document what I am really feeling…a sort of public diary I suppose.

FRUSTRATION!  I know we all feel it.  I know that mine is no greater than anyone elses.  But the common misconception that being in a band is like being on some sort of vacation is so wrong.  At this particular moment my frustration stems from another contest that we are trying to get on.  It’s a tour with one of my favorite bands, There for Tomorrow.  Despite all the promo and all the bugging of my friends and family I have done over the past few days, we are still slowly dropping off the Top 10 charts and into the abyss of other not-so-lucky bands.  Maybe it’s because we don’t have a label re-tweeting our efforts.  Maybe it’s because our fans are sick of voting for contests.  I get it.  I would be too.  It’s just hard to swallow because of how much stock I have put into the belief that we can make our music careers happen without the aid of a typical label business model.  UGH.  Whatever it is, I am getting tired of trying to make things go a certain way in life.

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor and found out that I have a heart murmur.  Heart murmurs are somewhat normal in children and babies, but if you randomly develop them at the age of 26… there is some cause for concern.  Yes, don’t worry I have an appointment to see a cardiologist blah blah blah.  But the bigger question for me is.. can I somehow have caused this?  Have I been so stressed out about my lack of a “normal” future that I actually put a hole in my heart?  Dear Lord, I hope not.  What is there to be stressed out about?  This morning, I woke up with the band in the studio, ate breakfast, sat in the studio, checked my email, sent out emails, wrote lyrics, ate lunch, and here I am on the computer again.  I’ve had worse jobs.  The problem is, when you work a 9-5, someone pays you a pay check, makes sure you have health insurance and are set up for a retirement.  Everything is planned out and set up for you as long as you show up each day.  The music industry is soo different.  You can work your whole life at something, and never get paid back.  It’s just the chance you take when you truly believe in what you are doing.  I guess that is what is most important in the end anyway.  If you can have pride in what you have done, whether or not anyone else praised you for it, you can be happy.

As a Christian, I should be more relaxed in the fact that everything happens for a reason.. that our lives are happening according to God’s will.  I really have to start re-examining that in my own life.  Why do we try to control the world?  Maybe because we feel like nothing will get done unless we do it ourselves.   The fact of the matter is that tomorrow is a new day, and it’s not up to you to lift the sun up into the sky.  It will happen.  You just have to breathe, relax, and stop driving yourself crazy.